If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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