the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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