After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
