I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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