hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
