another moral hangover. fuck.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
well you can't waste a boner
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
