there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
we're so committed to being not committed
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
