I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
