Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
