How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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