Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
