he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
