I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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