Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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