im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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