Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
