Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
