Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
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I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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