He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
