I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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