OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
