Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
