absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
