got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
