babies were throwing up all over the place
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
