I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
