I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Randomize
