Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
