haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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