Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He did a backflip because drugs
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
