So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
