If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
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I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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