i think i have two assholes
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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