Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
