Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
