i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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