saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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