why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
