Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
