only if we run a train.
done.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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