you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
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Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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