you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
