So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
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Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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