my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
