Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
