The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
if only i could text you this smell
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
worst night to have a conscience
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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