omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
