Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
