Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
