he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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