i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize