he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
