there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
