just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
