I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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