dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize