Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
