Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
