I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
