I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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