Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
