My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
