i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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