I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
