turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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