No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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