I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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