I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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