my sisters under your porch take her home
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
