is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
