So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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