Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
