how can u be prego again
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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