One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
