margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Never joke about your clitoris.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
