drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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