So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
